Don't Judge Your Dad For Leaving Your Mom: That She's A Good Mother To You Doesn't Mean She Was A Good Wife To Your Father

Don't Judge Your Dad For Leaving Your Mom: That She's A Good Mother To You Doesn't Mean She Was A Good Wife To Your Father

This message will pain many people, but somebody needs to hear it.

Don't judge your dad for leaving your mom.

That she's a good mother to you doesn't mean she was a good wife to your father.

Read that again, slowly.

1. YOU ONLY SAW ONE SIDE OF HER

You know your mother as MOTHER.

You saw her cook for you. You saw her pay your school fees. You saw her cry for you. You saw her suffer for you.

But your father knew her as WIFE.

He saw a different side you never saw - the side behind closed doors when children were asleep. The side in the bedroom. The side in arguments. The side in respect, in submission, in peace, in intimacy, in communication.

A woman can be a wonderful mother and a terrible wife at the same time. Just like a man can be a wonderful father and a terrible husband at the same time.

You are judging a marriage you never lived in. You were a child in that house, not a husband in that marriage.

2. CHILDREN ARE NOT JUDGES OF MARRIAGE

Many children grow up, hear only their mother's version, and conclude: "My father is wicked. My father abandoned us."

But have you ever sat your father down, man to man, woman to woman, and asked him: "Dad, what really happened?"

Most fathers will not tell their children the painful truth because they don't want to spoil their mother's image in their children's eyes.

So they keep quiet. They take the blame. They become the villain in a story they never told.

And the mother keeps telling her own version every day: "Your father left us. Your father is heartless. Your father doesn't care."

But there are two sides to every broken home.

3. WHAT MAKES A GOOD MOTHER IS NOT WHAT MAKES A GOOD WIFE

A good mother: Feeds children, protects children, sacrifices for children.

A good wife: Respects her husband, speaks to him with honour, gives him peace, supports his vision, does not insult him in front of children, does not use children as weapon, does not compare him to other men, does not deny him his home.

Some women will cook for their children and insult their husband in the same kitchen.

Some women will fight for their children in school and fight their husband at home every night.

Some women will tell their children "I love you" and tell their husband "I regret marrying you."

The children will say "Mummy is an angel." The husband will say "I was dying in that house."

Who is lying? Nobody. They just experienced two different women.

4. BEFORE YOU HATE YOUR FATHER, ASK THESE QUESTIONS

• Did your mother ever respect your father as head of the home?
• Did she ever make peace in that house, or was there quarrel every day?
• Did she ever use you children to punish your father - "You will not see your children"?
• Did she listen to outsiders - her mother, her friends, her pastor - more than her husband?
• Did your father try to stay, but staying was killing him?

Some men did not leave because they stopped loving their children. They left because they were tired of being disrespected, insulted, and treated like a stranger in their own house.

Some men left to save their life. Some men left to save their sanity. Some men left because if they stayed, they would have done something they would regret.

Leaving is not always wickedness. Sometimes leaving is survival.

5. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR IRRESPONSIBLE FATHERS

Let us be clear, before people misunderstand this article:

If your father left and NEVER called, NEVER sent money, NEVER checked on you, NEVER came for your graduation, NEVER asked if you ate - that one is an irresponsible father. No excuse.

A man who abandons his children completely is wrong. Period.

But if your father left your mother, yet still tried to take care of you - sending money, calling, coming to see you, but your mother blocked him, poisoned your mind against him, told you "don't pick his call" - then don't judge him. He did not abandon you. He was pushed away.

There is a difference between a father who left his WIFE and a father who left his CHILDREN. Know the difference.

6. TO THE MOTHERS READING THIS

If you are a good mother, God bless you. We celebrate you.

But please, do not turn your children against their father because your marriage failed.

Do not tell your children lies to win their sympathy. Do not make them hate a man they will need tomorrow.

One day your son will become a husband. One day your daughter will become a wife. What you teach them about marriage today will become their marriage tomorrow.

If you teach your son that his father is useless, he will grow up thinking all men are useless. If you teach your daughter that her father is wicked, she will grow up fearing all men.

Let children love both parents. Marriage ended, but fatherhood did not end. Motherhood did not end.

7. TO THE CHILDREN READING THIS

You are now grown. You are no longer a child to be fed one side of the story.

Go and hear from your father. Sit with him. Ask him. Listen without judging.

You may be shocked to discover that the "wicked father" you hated for 10 years was actually a broken man who cried every night for his children.

And you may discover that the "angel mother" you worshipped also had her own faults in that marriage.

Adults are not angels and devils. They are human beings with faults, pains, and mistakes.

CONCLUSION:

Don't judge your dad for leaving your mom.

That she's a good mother to you doesn't mean she was a good wife to your father.

And that he's a good father to you doesn't mean he was a good husband to your mother.

Marriage is between two adults. Children should not be judges. Children should be children.

Forgive both of them. Love both of them. Learn from their mistakes, and build a better marriage than theirs.

If this article touched you, share it. Somebody needs to call their father today.

Tag someone who needs to hear this. But please, argue with respect - no insult to mothers, no insult to fathers.

This report originally appeared on Imo Media Hub - www.imomediahub.org